“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
“Fuck motivation.” — Mark Manson
Actually, what Manson said is that “motivation is not the cause of action, but the effect.” (But we’ll get to that later.)
When you hear motivation you probably think of willpower, or some inspirational people, videos, quotes, or that you need motivation to force yourself to achieve huge goals.
Pretty much all of the self-help space will tell you that motivation doesn’t exist or that “you can’t count on motivation,” or some nonsense.
Well, they’re lying.
Motivation is not some spooky ghost that mystically flows in and out of your life as it pleases.
Motivation exists all of the time and for everything that you do. Always.
When you choose to scroll on social media instead of going for a run, you are just more motivated to scroll on social media than go on that run you said you’d go on yesterday.
When you eat McDonald’s 5 times a week, you are more motivated to eat what is easy than what is healthy.
As Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate,” so the same goes for motivation — until you realize that motivation is always there, in everything that you do, and everything that you don’t do — you won’t be able to control it.
SO WHAT EXACTLY IS MOTIVATION?
Motivation is what drives us to survive. It keeps you, me, and the human race alive.
Once our survival needs are met, well, that’s when the next Netflix episode starts to look way more “motivating” than reading that book that’s collecting dust on your coffee table.
So is motivation watching Netflix?
Yeah, sort of.
The regulation of motivated behaviors is achieved by the coordinated action of molecules (peptides, hormones, neurotransmitters etc), acting within specific circuits that integrate multiple signals in order for complex decisions to be made.
It’s your biology deciding to do something, and simultaneously not to do something else.
BUT SERIOUSLY, FUCK MOTIVATION!
See, when all the self-help gurus tell you to “Fuck motivation!” they are not really helping. Instead, they’re telling you to fuck your biology.
Yeah, not helpful.
This creates an unnecessary burden for your brain to carry — to force yourself to do things. And then when you “can’t get motivated,” you feel like a pile of poop. And you become even more unmotivated.
The problem with saying “fuck motivation,” that motivation doesn’t exist, or that action causes motivation is that it doesn’t solve the actual problem: you still need motivation to do the action!
MAKE SWEET LOVE TO MOTIVATION
Don’t just “fuck motivation.” Instead, make sweet, sweet love to it. Learn what turns it on. Learn that motivation changes and morphs daily, hourly, and even by the minute.
Thousands of different people with the same goal, will all have different motivational patterns. And those motivational patterns will change, constantly.
Different people are motivated by different things at different times.
A 20-year-old dude is motivated to go to the gym because “chicks dig a guy with a good body, Bro.” In your 30s, you (should) be going to the gym to be fit for your kids. In your 50s and beyond, you’ll be hoping to not die and improve your quality of life.
And some days, you just won’t feel like doing anything at all.
So how do you stay motivated and avoid procrastination?
YOUR BRAIN LOVES PLEASURE. BUT IT HATES PAIN EVEN MORE
Your brain will always seek pleasure, but it will do even more to avoid (perceived) pain or loss.
So when you choose to pick up your phone and get lost in an endless scroll of mind-numbing sludge instead of putting your trainers on and going for a 30-minute run, you are motivated!
Except, you’re motivated to consume mind-numbing sludge.
What’s actually happening is that you are avoiding your perception of pain or discomfort that you’ve associated with running.
Thus, you’re motivated by a very reasonable desire to stay in your comfort zone — to avoid the pain of growth.
You are always motivated — but not always in the direction that you’d like.
MOTIVATION IS A HABIT
Motivation is your biology — how you feel — but it can be trained by using external factors — “motivational drive must be modulated as a function of both internal states as well as external environmental conditions.”
Motivation is an emotion. It is an emotion you can train.
Motivation is your current state.
Motivation is your environment.
Motivation is a thought.
Motivation is a habit.
Everything you do in your life is driven by your motivation habit.
Motivation Habit = Biology + Importance/Interest/Enjoyment/Excitement/Pain or Loss Avoidance
We are all searching for meaning in everything that we do — by increasing the importance, interest, enjoyment, or excitement of doing something, or by associating pain or loss with not doing something, we can train the motivation habit.
HAVING A WHY
Yes, having a Why — a reason bigger than yourself that motivates you to pursue a goal — is a perfect solution.
But…
Just like motivation, it’s fickle, too.
If you know why you are here on this planet (your purpose, mission, calling, or whatever else people are calling it these days), that’ll be enough motivation to cover 80% of the days.
Unfortunately, life happens and your Why might not always be enough.
WELCOME ERNIE THE DEMON
The key is to see motivation as a situational seesaw with two versions of you that show up in various situations: the motivated you and the unmotivated you. I call my unmotivated self Ernie the Demon. (He first made an appearance here. Don’t worry, he’s super chill. Ugly as hell, but super chill. Even a bit funny sometimes.)
Some mornings, Ernie just doesn’t show up. I like those mornings. I put on my exercise clothes, lace up my trainers, and hit the road running.
But the truth is, that little fucker is persistent, and just keeps showing up. (I guess he also got my “Keep Showing Up!” Memo I sent out). Strangely, Ernie disappears at night while I think of all the amazing things I am going to accomplish the next morning. But he is there waiting for me first thing in the morning, most mornings.
Even worse, some mornings Ernie is an even bigger asshole and he brings a shit ton of rocks to pile on his side of the motivational seesaw. Then he plops his butt down and waits.
IF YOU CAN’T BEAT EM, JOIN EM
What does Ernie the Demon have to do with any of this?
Well, a lot, actually.
See, unmotivated Ernie is always going to be there. So there’s no point in trying to pretend he’s not there or force him and his pile of rocks to move all day, every day.
Instead, I talked to him. I got to know him. I came to understand why he was unmotivated to do certain things. We made compromises. We communicated.
And it was (almost) happily ever after.
OUTSMART ERNIE: ADAPT WITH MOTIVATION
Listen, sometimes unmotivated Ernie just sucks, and you’ll have to learn how to adapt in order to keep up.
Establishing the motivation habit by focusing on increasing the importance, interest, enjoyment, excitement of doing something or by associating pain or loss with not doing something, is great.
But habits don’t always last forever. They morph and change over time. Habits are a life-long process.
Here’s what you’ll need to do:
- Make an Unbreakable Promise with yourself that you’ll always do what you say you’re going to do.
- Decide what you’re going to do. Decide what is important to you.
- Set your Minimum Acceptable Action (MAA).(You decide the minimum action that is acceptable in advance to default to on unmotivated days.)
- Adapt your MAA based on your motivation, if needed.
- If you’re always choosing the MAA, consider trying something new that satisfies your Unbreakable Promise.
- Continue until “life happens.”
- Learn to start again.
Here’s what it looks like in real life:
- I’m always going to do the things that I say I’m going to do.
- I’m going to exercise every day.
- On days I have 0000001% of motivation, I will just run for five minutes or 1/4 of a mile.
- Today is one of those days, so I’m just going to run for five minutes.
- I keep choosing to run for only five minutes, so let’s check in with unmotivated Ernie and see if I really hate doing this. If I do, I’m going to try a different exercise activity.
- Oh shit! Something bad happened in my life and I haven’t been able to exercise for months.
- That’s okay, I will start again.
Tools To Adapt To Motivation’s Mood Swings
No single tool works for every situation: you have to Try It On! and see which one works for you, in which situations, and even at certain parts of the day.
- Always Do. Commit to do whatever it is that you say you are going to do. (This one has changed my life.)
- If you miss, start again
- Use a reward after you do the thing
- Tell everyone about your goals
- Don’t tell anyone about your goals
- Be strategic
- Plan
- Give $1,000 dollars to a friend, and if you don’t do what you say you’re going to do for X amount of days, that money goes to a charity.
- Track your progress
- Track your successes
- Set a time limit for the goal
- Use a timer for small chunks of work
- Find an Accountability Partner
- Join a group
- Sign up for a challenge or event, so you have a set timeline
- Tell yourself “I will feel better after I do it”
- Realize that your time is running out and someday you’re going to die.
- Ask yourself better questions:
- How can I make this so that if I don’t do it, I will feel pain or lose something valuable?
- Why am I motivated to do XYZ instead of WXY?
- What pain am I avoiding?
- Can I make this more interesting, interesting, enjoyable, or exciting?
- Can I find something else that is more interesting, interesting, enjoyable, or exciting?
Okay, I’m going to go for a five-minute run now. See you.
If You Liked This Article Then You Might Want To Check Out…
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