Dear, Everyone…I’m Sorry: My Apology Letter
Sorry.
I hate the word.
Sorry.
It is overused and has lost its meaning.
Like all things, overuse leads to a loss of value.
Words are no different.
Sorry.
In fact, in the last few years I have made it a point to tell people not to say “I’m sorry” for frivolous shit:
Accidentally walked in front of me? Fuck it. No need for a “sorry.”
You were coming out of the bathroom as I was going in and we almost collided but not really. No problem. No need for a “sorry.”
You spilled a little milk on the table? Clean it up. No need for a “sorry.”
Stepped on the back of my sneaker while walking behind me? No need for…
Wait…Yeah…I’m gonna need a “sorry” for that one (Hey, it’s a pet peeve).
Most of us have just resorted to instinctively saying “sorry” for everything. It just rolls off our tongues for every little thing. It’s not even a thought anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, the I’m sorry-s, excuse me-s, and thank you-s are very much needed in the world.
But…
Say them when you actually mean them.
Otherwise, they have no meaning.
So…
I’M SORRY.
It’s Okay to Be Sorry
I guess I’m sorry for a lot of things. But mainly, it’s that I just kind of disappeared.
And for a looooooooong time.
Poof! Gone.
Maybe some of you noticed. Maybe no one noticed at all.
But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I noticed.
And that’s the first step in figuring anything out really: you first have to recognize the dilemma—you need to have self-awareness to see what is happening in and around you.
So for the first time in ever, I realized that disappearing isn’t cool:
- I started making videos, then stopped.
- I started a Newsletter, then sent only one Newsletter.
- I started writing content to help people, then…crickets.
- I started sharing book summaries, then…you guessed it — stopped.
But, what I’m most sorry for? I left home — my family and friends — to go live abroad and never really went back.
This is where it gets tricky, though. I’m not sorry for leaving home or for stopping the things that I stopped.
But…
I’m sorry for the way I handled it all. I’m sorry for the way I handled, or better yet, didn’t handle, the consequences of my decisions.
There is a major distinction between making a clear, decisive decision to stop something versus just fading away from something. There are some things in life that you need to stop doing because they are bad for you or you simply don’t enjoy them. But you need to decide not let life decide for you. And, you need to deal with the decisions that will sprout up as a result.
The “Consequences” of Travel
The decision I made — to go live abroad for most of my adult life — turned out to be the best decision I could have ever made. However, the results of that decision drifted away in the current of life. And I let them.
It’s so easy to blame it on my naivety, distance, or even how my brain works (if it’s not directly in front of me, well, then it doesn’t exist), but the reality is we are all 100% responsible for our lives: that includes the consequences of our decisions and actions.
(It’s important to define “consequences” here. I feel, even as I type the word, that it has a negative connotation. It is a gloomy-sounding word, huh? Alas, I simply mean it has the results of a decision or action.)
Why I’m Sorry: Travel and Life
Here’s the story of what happened:
At some point at the end of 2021, I found myself in a really low place. Covid had taken travel from me (kind of), I had just ended an eight-year relationship (on friendly terms), and I was unemployed. Things weren’t great.
It was during that time that I found podcasts. Or, they found me — isn’t it interesting how life has a way of presenting you with the things you need when you need them?
It was either Tim Ferriss’s or Tom Bilyeu’s podcast that talked about finding the things that terrify you, and then going to do them.
It made sense: if I could face and conquer all of the things that scared the shit out of me, then what (or who) could ever stop me?
That led to my first short-form video. It was so bad it hurts to even think about it. But, I did it. Thus, my content journey had begun.
And that’s the coolest part: even though my creating content began as a personal, get-over-your-fears-and-stop-being-a-baby project, it led to this leap into the digital space. (I’ll write another article about this idea — I do believe that we exist in a world that has two separate realities: reality itself and interactive screens.)
So there I was, thrown unexpectedly into this new digital dimension where something I said or wrote had the potential to reach thousands of people — and reach it did. My video content started averaging thousands of views—my most-watched video accumulating over 400,000 views.
What the actual fuck!
There is responsibility in that. I see that now.
Responsible Content Is Necessary Today
As I write this and look back on some of my content, I realize that there is a major responsibility that comes with sharing content, ideas, knowledge, and information online. For some creators, the responsibility is diluted by a thirst for fame or money. But, for me, those were never the goal. I just wanted to share what I was learning. And then I started to enjoy it.
And then…
I vanished!
Sorry.
I slowly let life’s unrelenting current take my “content-making responsibility” out to sea — I faded away from it as work took most of my brain power and travel took my soul.
I never really decided to stop. It just happened.
Lame excuse, I know.
Don’t Let Indecision Be the Decision
I should have been the one to decide to fully stop or continue making content. Instead, I let life decide for me. I let myself disappear.
The same goes for leaving home: I left after University and never really looked back. Even worse, I didn’t do the work necessary to maintain the relationships that mattered to me.
Again, I let the consequences of my choices be my decision. I let myself disappear because it was easier that way.
I guess that’s the whole point of this article: your decisions will always have consequences — both good and bad — and it’s your responsibility to be aware of the ripples that emerge from your decisions, some big and some small.
You need to step in when needed and make decisions on the resulting ripples that matter. It’s not just one decision you make that is important — it is the web of decisions you make in the aftermath that matter just as much, if not more.
I wish I recognized that sooner.
Sorry.
I mean it.
How I Got to Sorry: End Note
I just got back from living and traveling in South America for the last 10 months. It was thinking about that journey and my love for making content that led to this article. It is something I am sincerely trying to discover about myself: I fucking love traveling — the foods, exploring, adventure, dirtiness, weird transportation, novelty, surprises, on-the-go decision-making, freedom, problem-solving, weird people, nice people, sounds, smells, tastes…all of it—you can learn a lot about yourself and the world by traveling.1
And I also love making content. But, for some crazy reason, I couldn’t blend the two. Over the last 10 months, I did manage to record some travel content, but I never actually produced anything.
Somehow, I wasn’t able to make self-improvement content or content about books while I was abroad. (I guess I can understand that.) But why the hell wasn’t I able to make video content about travel, since I was actually traveling? And as soon as I got back to a fixed place, home, I fell right into content-creation mode again.
Wherever you go, there you are.
If You Liked This Article Then…
Related Topics
*If you use the affiliate links in here a magic genie will suddenly appear in front of me granting me unlimited wishes, at which point I will then immediately wish for something like 100 billion dollars, a submarine, a funny hat, or something cool like that. So just assume that if you use the links to buy anything I make tons of money and become filthy rich. Besides this last statement, I practice radical honesty, and anything I ever recommend is something I stand by.
Proud of u my Son