67 Life Lessons From 40 Years
Remember when you were younger and someone told you that they were 40 and you thought to yourself, “Holy shit, that person is ancient” and it felt as though getting old would never happen to you?
Well, it happened to me. I’m ancient.
Over the years, I’ve come across various articles like, “Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s,” “30 Lessons I’ve Learned in 30 Years,” and “10 Things I’d Tell My Younger Self.”
A lot of them I really enjoyed. Some of them I still have bookmarked.
I never thought I’d be a guy writing stuff on the internet, but now that it has played out that way, I thought I’d create a list of lessons that could help you in life (or at least prevent you from making some of the mistakes I’ve made).
So, here are 67 lessons I’ve learned from 40 years of life, in no particular order.
(Hopefully, you’ll want to bookmark it.)
1. Drugs Are Bad (but Not All of Them)
Let’s just dive right in why don’t we?
Drugs are terrible. They do horrible things to a lot of people. My relationship with them was what one might call “unhealthy”.
I would never tell anyone to do drugs. Ever.
Except…except maybe some of them. Am I telling you to go do drugs?
No, of course not. That would be illegal.
But also…you should do drugs.
Hear me out.
Psychedelics (including MDMA) done in a controlled setting focused on self-work and introspection have altered the course of my life, and how I live in the world—the impact is unexplainable if you haven’t used them. Psychedelics might hold a place in the future of medicine for treating ailments like Alzheimer’s, anxiety, and depression to name a few.
No.
But might that make you more “sane”?
Maybe.
2. Alcohol Is Also Bad (but C’mon)
Aside from the fact that it has zero health benefits (and is much more harmful than most people realize), it is also an escape for a lot of people. And that’s not good.
Alcohol cost me a lot of my life, now that I look back. I used it to mask a lot of pain and confusion.
But…it was also fun. I would be lying if I didn’t say I had fun with it. But never drink and drive. That’s a really bad idea. I see a lot of people who used to drink (and then stop), start to demonize alcohol.
I get it.
But also, that’s not fair. Just because one person got out of control, doesn’t mean they have to ruin it for everyone.
If used responsibly and not used as a need to fill some greater void, have at it.
Or don’t.
3. Everything Thrives in Moderation
This might be the wisest advice here.
Unfortunately, most people keep moving the “moderation line” in their lives in different directions.
Coffee in moderation, sure. But is that 1 cup? 2 cups? 5 cups? 8 cups? How about your favorite ice cream? Once a month? Three times a week? Once a week? Or drinking? Once a week? Only weekdays? One “nightcap” each night?
You get the point: too much of a good thing, or a bad thing, is not a good thing. Find your “moderation line” and try not to move it too much.
4. Find Balance (or Don’t)
In life, in every aspect, you need balance.
Unfortunately, to be great at something, you need to live out of balance.
Want to start a multi-million dollar business? Great, but you’ll need to neglect other areas of your life like relationships, health, and hobbies. Want to travel the world and see every country? Outstanding, but you’ll have to sacrifice deep connection, finances, and routine.
5. Say “I Love You” More Often
I grew up in a house that didn’t say this.
We just didn’t.
Personally, it resulted in a lot of confusion and awkwardness around saying it, even showing it, and even how to experience it. But that also taught me its importance. I’m grateful for that.
Don’t be like me.
Say it and show it more often.
You’ll be glad you did.
6. Simplify Everything
Simplify everything in your life.
7. Be a “Producer Not a “Consumer”
This mindset shift is what brought me here. I just started making things instead of consuming them, and oh boy, is it a completely different world over here.
It’s wild: I started making videos, writing articles, writing a book, making book summaries, making workshops, making a podcast…and sharing it all.
Is it all incredible stuff? Absolutely not!
In fact, most of it is garbage. But I just keep making. Every time I feel pulled to consume something (unless it is necessary), I go produce something instead.
Oh yeah, and stop buying dumb shit you don’t need! Thank me later.
8. Get Rid of “Stuff
So…about stuff. I’m not saying you have to go all minimalist. That’s lame.
What I am saying is that “stuff” causes a lot more of your stress than you think. Remove the shit you don’t use or don’t need. If you have an emotional attachment to some “things” — clothing, devices, items — that’s not great.
The fact is simple: if you have an attachment to something, it has the potential to elicit an emotional reaction.
Dropped your favorite coffee cup? Feel sad and stressed. Lost your phone? Feel panicked, angry, worried, sad, stressed for days, and so on. You get my point. The more “things” you have in your life that you are attached to, the more stress you will have.
I mean, they are just “things”, right? Instead, fill your life with things that symbolize what you care about. Be purposeful about what you let it.
Did I mention to stop buying dumb shit you don’t need? I did? Oh, okay. Good.
9. Invest in Experiences
This one is tricky for me because I spent the majority of my 40 years on the planet “pleasure-seeking” over everything else, all while thinking I was doing it for “the experience”. That left me empty.
Learn to invest in the right experiences for the right reasons: Pursue the moments and memories that make life worth living and sharing with others. If done correctly, it will give you everything.
Experiences give us so much more than we could ever ask for if we are “present” for them.
10. Travel the World (When You Are Young)
If you travel when you are young, you get the benefit of expanding your view of the world and the people in it. You become more open-minded and less judgmental of yourself and others.
Basically, you become less of a dick.
This isn’t to say you can’t travel and experience the wonders of the world when you are older—you can. However, traveling the world when you are in your 20s or 30s versus when you are in your 40s, 50s or 60s are two very, very different experiences. Do both.
11. Be Aware. Be Present
This one sounds so new-agey, cliche, and trite, but it is, probably, the most important one on this list. If you can just be aware that you are in each moment—see the person in front of you, feel the air on your skin, hear the birds chirping—then the world you live in changes.
This isn’t possible to do all the time, but it’s worth the effort.
Besides, you need awareness to design your life and make it happen.
12. Every Second Spent Thinking About the Past or Future Is a Moment Wasted in the Present. And Therefore, Your Future
I came up with this one. It means a lot to me. I used to reminisce about the past a lot. I “lived” there in a way. Forget it. All of it. The past is dead.
It sounds harsh, but I’m serious. There is nothing back there for you. Trust me, I’ve looked.
13. Be Grateful
You need a daily gratitude practice. Even if you think you don’t, you do. When you start to see what you already have that is beautiful in your life, your life starts to change.
14. Never Stop Learning. Ever
Continuous growth and learning are everything in life.
Life equals progress.
Continue to challenge yourself in new and unique ways and what you are truly capable of will start to emerge—what reveals itself will shock the shit out of you.
Yeah, I’m talking about you. You are that good. Just don’t stop learning and growing and watch what happens.
15. Read Books
Sadly, somewhere in the education system there starts a disconnection between students and their love for reading. It’s almost like we teach it out of them: one year they love it, and the next, they hate it.
Books are the cheat code to life. I know this now for a fact. You can take an author’s unique experience, knowledge, insights, and years of the effort they put into writing a unique book, and download it into your brain in a few hours.
Then you can do what the book tells you to do, and change your entire life. Simply by reading words or listening to them! Why would you not want to read more?
16. Write Shit Down
Writing teaches you what you think.
Write more. It’ll make you a better person. And smarter.
This goes for lots of things. Write a handwritten note to someone. Write things to do on post-its or a calendar.
And this one still surprises me how much it has changed my life—start journaling. I can’t say enough about this. Find a practice, technique, or method that works for you. I’ve written about journaling here. Just find one and start. It will morph over time. And it will reveal a lot about your life and who you are. A lot.
17. Nobody Knows What the Fuck They Are Doing
Seriously, think about what you do each day. Do you really know what you are doing? Unless you are world-class at what you do each day, the best of the best, then you are just piecing it together like everybody else—just putting one foot in front of the other hoping you don’t trip and fall. And throwing some tape over the cracks. And that’s okay. Keep waking up doing the thing—whatever that thing is that you choose to believe is important.
18. Nature Holds a Lot of the Answers You Seek
Nature is amazing.
The saddest part: you’ve probably never really met her. I don’t just mean a quick walk in the nearby park (although that is lovely, too). I mean Nature. Out there “in it”. Removed from the noise and the lights and people. Out there.
Most of us spend our whole lives in homes, or surrounded by buildings, concrete, and chaos, and might only dip our toes-ies in Nature once in a brief while, if at all. That, my friend, is a mistake.
19. Sunshine Is Your Friend. Go Outside. Now
Some estimates say that Americans spend about 93% of their lives indoors or in a car—or in some box-like thing. Of course, this varies across countries, but chances are, you need to get outside and feel the sun on your skin a bit more. Yes, that means you, too.
20. Find a Mindfulness Practice That Works for You
It doesn’t matter what it is, but you need to be able to be present and control your emotions. We are emotional creatures. If you go following your emotions all over the place, well, you’ll end up all over the place.
The only way I know how to do this is through meditation and journaling with self-reflection. Or drugs. But you’re probably not gonna want to go eating magic mushrooms every day and move from one foggy delusion to another. Learn to be mindful and present in reality, a healthy way.
21. Don’t Start Driving If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going
It’s a good idea to know where you are going: clarity matters.
You wouldn’t get in your car and start driving without knowing where were going, would you?
Actually, I would. In fact, I have. And it turned out to be one of the greatest adventures of my entire life. So, yeah, this one I’m not so clear on. (But you still need to pick a road and head in a direction. So start there at least.)
22. Moving From Point A to B Reveals Points F, W, P…
So how do you decide which way to go?
Pick a direction you think is important and meaningful and good, and start moving that way.
Once you start moving in a direction, other cool options and opportunities will start to appear.
Of course, you don’t start heading to all of them. That’s silly. But instead of going from A to B, you might want to head to point Q.
The idea is, that you must take action before any other opportunities will start to reveal themselves.
23. Get Out of Your Bubble
Do you really have any fucking clue what the hell is going on outside your little “bubble”? Our world can be so small if we let it be: the same work, with the same people, doing the same thing, at the same place, at the same time, in the same house, with the same habits, eating the same foods, watching the same shows, on the same vacations, with the same friends…Is this a bad thing? I have no fucking clue. For me, it’s not ideal.
24. Shake Things up Once in a While
This one is important enough to get its own section. In fact, personally, I believe this is the secret to life: travel to a different place, say “Hi” to a stranger, try a different food on the menu, join that class, start a whole new exercise routine, try cycling or swimming again, read a book you would never normally read, make love outside under the cover of the night, eat burritos on the hood of your car as you stare up at planes taking off and landing.
Shake the snow globe of your life—you won’t regret it.
25. Do Hard Shit. Often
Wait, maybe this one is the secret to life. I guess there are a lot of “secrets to life:” get uncomfortable. Often.
I started getting out of my comfort zone and doing things that felt very uncomfortable, and, go figure, I found some things that make me really, really happy. Like writing this article. A few months ago, I hadn’t typed a single word for 20 years (outside of what was required from work or school). And now, it makes me happy.
Take a cold shower and see what happens. Join an improv class and laugh at how terrible you are, and then, watch yourself improve. Find whatever it is that you think “Oh, I could never do that.” And then go do it. A different, slightly more empowered version of yourself is on the other side of that experience. And that’s pretty rad.
26. Get Away From Yourself
Sounds trippy, right? Not really. Just try seeing the world through someone else’s eyes every once in a while. We live in our own world of “I, Me, My” from the moment we are born. Our whole lives are spent thinking about our own lives: it’s always what YOU want, or YOU have, or what YOU do. Try thinking about someone else for a change.
27. Get Your Ass in Shape (Before It’s Too Late)
If you know anything about me, then you know this is the one. I am obsessed with exercising. I do it daily. I’ve realized why people don’t do that: it’s fucking hard. But here’s the thing, it’s way harder to be out of shape. I know, I was forever. I smoked and drank and partied and barely slept. And I only “exercised” so that I could smoke and drink and party more.
Now, at 40, I am in the best shape of my life. By far.
It’s not too late.
The goal is not to not be fat or just walk 10,000 steps. The goal is to have strength, a strong heart, lungs, and body, and be flexible and stable. The bare minimum isn’t going to cut it. But you already knew that.
(Oh yeah, exercise makes you feel better when you’re done. And that’s a good thing if you ask me.)
28. Walk More
Go for a walk to go for a walk. It’s lovely to go for a morning walk or an evening stroll.
Walking is magic for thinking through problems.1 Magic, I tell you!
29. Food Matters (but Not as Much as You Think)
What you eat does matter, but only up to a point.
You don’t want to eat too many calories or too few. You want to eat enough fruits and vegetables and whole foods to get the vitamins and minerals you need; get enough protein and essential fats; avoid food-borne pathogens and toxins like mercury and lead. Don’t eat a bucket of ice cream every day.
That’s it.
Stop overcomplicating what you should and shouldn’t eat (Re: moderation).
I wrote about how little we actually know about food and nutrition here and here.
30. Sleed Goddammit. Sleep
One of the best concepts I’ve come across regarding the importance of sleep came from a conversation that Dr. Peter Attia had with a colleague. His colleague asked him, “If sleep is so unimportant, then why hasn’t evolution gotten rid of it?”
Remember, this is millions of years of evolution we are talking about here. Chances are you need more sleep. Just saying.
31. Time Goes on With or Without You
A list like this wouldn’t be right without talking about Father Time.
The thing with time is this: no matter what you do at any moment, ever, time will keep disappearing from your life. If you want to do something but are afraid it will take 10 years, guess what? In 10 years, you will have either made progress toward what you wanted or spent 10 years wishing you had.
The choice is clear.
32. Confront the Reaper
This might be dark for some of you, and if it is, then you probably need to hear it more than anyone: Someday you, and everyone you know, are going to die.
Heavy, huh?
I realize there are two types of people out there: those who don’t like to think about dying and live their lives in avoidance; and those who realize that death is coming for them eventually, and then living their lives in abundance.
Either way, death doesn’t care about your feelings. It’s better to face it than to make what Buddha refers to as our biggest mistake: The biggest mistake is thinking that you have time.
33. The Small Things Are Huge
Don’t sweat the small stuff—and it’s all small stuff.
But remember, the tiniest acts of kindness are much more impactful than any of us realize. A simple smile goes a long way. We think small acts are insignificant, so we don’t do them.
Try doing them more.
34. We Need Each Other
Social connection may be the single most important factor in longevity and happiness.3
We need each other. There is no denying that.
35. Strangers Give You Everything
At some point, everyone was a stranger to you.
Go out and meet new people. People you don’t yet know are out there waiting to meet you. It only takes one interaction for some lives to change forever.
Say “Hi” first. Reach your hand out first. Wave first. Smile first.
Stop waiting for other people to go first.
Strangers really do give you everything.
36. We Are Wired to Make Progress Toward a Goal (so Pick a Worthy One)
“Let your passion drive you and fuck the rest”—a random guy I met somewhere, sometime.
Listen, we all need to work. In fact, we are designed to work: that is, make progress toward a meaningful goal that we deem important (and, hopefully, help others in the process).
37. Make Money Doing What You Love
Before you let doing what you love kill you, make money while doing it.
If you know for certain that you have to work 8 hours a day (which most of us have to do), why wouldn’t you choose to get paid a lot of money that you can then use to buy time and upgrade your life? That’s what I thought.
A career you love does exist—you just haven’t turned over enough rocks to expose it. It’s complicated, and loving what you do has many factors, but I believe a few things are in there for you, waiting to be exposed.
For 39 years, I thought this was the stuff of legend. I really enjoyed my career as a teacher. I was content. But I wasn’t truly happy. It was a job that I was pretty good at, it paid the bills and allowed me to see the world. But it wasn’t the thing.
(This one is so hard because I believe it is impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t felt it. Like love, nobody knows what the fuck love is until they actually feel it. And even love can be confused with just having a boner or feeling excited.)
38. You Already Have Everything You Need to Start
If you think you need a new app, some gadget, or a cool new tool before you start, you’re procrastinating. And even worse, you’re lying to yourself.
If you feel the need to argue this and say, “But I need…” then you’re already fucked.
39. It Starts With Belief. Wait, No. Action Comes First
The chicken or the egg dilemma: do you need to believe you can do it before you take action, or do you need to take action first to create belief?
Honestly, who the fuck cares. Figure out what works to get you motivated to do the things you want to do with your life, then move.
I’ve found that it starts with either one, and you get to choose. Maybe you don’t have to believe that you’ll be the world’s next greatest pop singer to take action. Or maybe you need to have some delusional belief that it is possible before you start.
Whichever one comes first doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you take action.
40. Action Cures All
Nothing matters if you don’t take action. Nothing. You are either doing it. Or you aren’t. You are either making progress. Or you aren’t. Unlike much of life, there isn’t a whole lot of grey area here.
41. You Can Never Know If You Are Making the “Right” or “Wrong” Choice
In 2006 I moved to Seoul, South Korea. At the time, I had no fucking clue what I was doing. I just went. I was a 22-year-old kid. No one I knew had gone much farther than a few hour’s drive from where we lived. And I was going to get on a plane and fly to the other side of the world on a whim. Good idea, Scott.
I then lived abroad and had experiences beyond my wildest dreams—for 15 years! When I made the decision to go, I just thought I’d go for “one year because it will be a cool thing to try”.
You can never have all of the information before making a decision, so stop trying to.
42. Follow Your Curiosities (Not Other People’s)
No one knows you better than you.
You have the most unique person in the world living in your head—get to know him or her and follow the curiosities they tell you to follow.
When other people tell you what you should do with your life, they are only projecting their own unique blend of thoughts, beliefs, and desires onto your life. Politely, tell them to Go Fuck Themselves and carry on living your life your way. Only you know best.
I notice time and time again that people stop themselves from following their interests because it might not give them the result they want or they are following a path that someone else told them to take. If you are curious about something, go do it.
Again, you’re not here for very long, remember? So why wouldn’t you try the things that pique your interest and that fascinate you? Seems silly not to.
43. Regret Comes From Inaction
“You’ll never know unless you try,” is probably the most sage wisdom on this list. There is no truer advice.
You can never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever know if you like something or if something works until you try it.
We are all refugees from our childhoods. And so we turn, among other things, to stories. To write a story, to read a story, is to be a refugee from the state of refugees. Writers and readers seek a solution to the problem that time passes, that those who have gone are gone and those who will go, which is to say every one of us, will go. For there was a moment when anything was possible. And there will be a moment when nothing is possible. But in between we can create.
Mohsin Hamid. How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia
At some point, time will be up, and nothing will be possible anymore.
44. Learn to See Criticism as Feedback
You only grow and make progress through doing something, getting feedback, reflecting, and repeating—closing the gap between doing and getting feedback.
Of course, try to get
Criticism is by far the best feedback you will ever get. The people who hate on you are just telling you exactly what you could do better. (Or they’re just shitty, horrible people. That’s possible, too.)
45. The “Right Time” Is Right Now (and…Timing Matters)
This is a tough one.
Why?
Because I remember not too long ago when I was struggling to get started on something and hearing some trite motivational quip like “There is never going to be a right time” and thinking, “Great. That doesn’t help at all!“
But, it’s very, very true. There will never be a right time. You just have to find a way to force yourself to start—whether that be exercising, eating healthy, or starting on that dream of yours.
Whatever it is, start now.
Once you finally start, you’ll wish you’d started sooner. Trust me, I know.
Timing in life is everything. The moment you are meant to meet the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life might have just passed because you stopped to tie your shoelace. Or because you are reading this article. (Whoops. Sorry about that.)
But the good news is you can’t control life’s timing anyway, so don’t even try.
Just start and then keep showing up.
46. Whoever Said Money Can’t Buy Happiness Was Already Rich (or Was Never Broke)
Money can absolutely buy you happiness.
Kind of.
If you spend it on status, useless shit, and meaningless experiences, then, no, it won’t make you happier or your life any better.
If you contribute it to a cause you care about and use your money to buy back freedom and time so you can do more of the things that you love doing and spend more time with the people you love, who the fuck is going to say that money didn’t make that happen?
And who is going to tell you that you aren’t happier because of it?
Stop listening to rich or never-been-broke-as-fuck people who say money won’t buy you happiness. They are either ignorant or lying. It will—you just have to define how much you need to be happy so you don’t end up chasing more money. If you chase more money your whole life, you’ll wind up miserable.
(I really hate when rich people say that money can’t buy happiness. It really bothers me. They clearly have forgotten what it was like to be broke. Or even worse, they never were broke. I know one thing with absolute certainty: rich people aren’t willing to give all their money away to broke people when they say, “it doesn’t make them happy.” They might think that money doesn’t buy “happiness”, but it sure buys something.)
47. You Can Do Anything You Want (Just Not Everything)
This one was hard for me to swallow, but I’m coming around. I now know, without a shred of doubt, that with enough time, focus, energy, and grit, you can do anything. But to do anything you want, you have to give up a lot. If you try to do everything you won’t do anything.
Real happiness is found in saying No to a lot of things that would otherwise distract you. Your attention is limited and finite. You have to apply it correctly.
(This doesn’t mean you have to do only one thing forever. It just means that you can only do one thing at a time. Real peace is found in accepting that there are just some things that you will never do. And that’s okay.)
48. Your Life Can Change in a Moment
You’ve heard the cliche, “Your life can change in a moment.” This is true, but only for a handful of moments a year. Maybe fewer.
When it comes to changing-your-life-in-a-moment type moments, you’d better be ready or you’ll miss them.
49. You Can’t Actually Change Your Life in a Moment
I know, I know. I just said your life could change in a moment.
But the reality is, there is no overnight success—you have to decide in each moment you are going to change you life. And you have to decide forever. If you’ve ever tried to establish an exercise habit then you know, you still have to change your life each moment when you decide to lace up your trainers.
Like I said, the big, life-changing decisions are few and far in between. But what isn’t, are the small, tiny, seemingly insignificant choices. And that’s where real change happens.
It’s good that you can’t change your life in a moment all the time because that would make you crazy if big life changes were always happening.
For most of us, life won’t change in a single moment. It takes many, many moments of small, continuous progress to create change. It takes time. And many, many, many small, momentary choices.
As for those life-changing decisions, well, you actually don’t have to make as many of those as you think. And even when you do, you won’t know that it is a life-changing moment.
50. It’s Not Just Fear Holding You Back
In self-improvement, everyone always says it is fear holding you back.
I disagree. Somewhat.
It’s also that you don’t know what to do or how to do it. That’s all.
Many of the things we don’t do—and then regret later—are things that we lack the skills to do. If you can see that it’s not just fear and that it is just the lack of skill, you can get started on small skills.
When I think back on many things I’ve done that I was hesitating about, I wasn’t “afraid” of anything at all. I just had no fucking clue what to do or where to start. That’s not fear. It’s just a lack of experience. So focus on getting experience.
51. You Are Responsible for Everything in Your Life. Everything
The moment you blame something external for your problems, you give away control. Without control, you can’t change anything.
If you feel an urge to argue this point, then you are the problem.
52. Some People Suck
This has been the single best advice I’ve heard regarding, well, people. Shrug your shoulders and tell yourself, “Some people suck” the next time someone cuts you off while driving. You’ll be better for it.
53. Communicating Will Solve 90% of Your Problems (Listening Is Part of It, by the Way)
If you can’t communicate, it’s like winking at a girl in the dark—nothing happens. You can have all the brainpower in the world, but you have to be able to transmit it. And the transmission is communication.
Warren Buffett
You need to communicate everything. And then clarify, and communicate again. So many of our problems stem from the fact that “we know” what the other person wants without communicating first. Or “we assume” that they already know what we want without communicating.
Newsflash: other people have no fucking clue that all you really wanted was just for them to ask you if you wanted to join them on their “Naked Retreat” next month even though you didn’t really want to go anyway, but an invite would have been nice regardless so they should have at least asked…unless you fucking communicate that! Nobody knows what you want unless you tell them. Stop assuming they do.
And stop assuming you know everything. You know way less than you think you do.
(Oh yeah, listening is part of communicating. You should try it.)
54. Words Matter
I know, I know. I shouldn’t swear so much. I’m working on it.
But what I mean here is the language we use with each other. The way we talk to each other, especially children. Language matters. The words we use matter.
The best example of this is what Carol Dweck terms, “Growth Mindset” and “Fixed Mindset” language. There is a massive, life-altering result that comes from repeatedly telling a child, “You’re so smart,” versus saying, “You’re such a good learner.”
If you can’t see the difference in how that child will grow up and engage with the world, go read the book. Now.
55. Listen (Remember Things People Say. Then Ask Them About Those Things)
Active Listening might just be the most powerful, yet underrated skill. Learn how to truly listen to people and you’re life will expand.
This isn’t some manipulating people trick. Just be a decent human and listen to people when they talk, remember some things and interests they talk about, and then ask them about those things and interests. Next time you see them, ask them about those things and interests again. Pretty simple.
(Remember when I mentioned listening before? Yeah, you’re going to want to do more of that.)
56. Everyone’s Got a Couple of Screws Lose (and That’s Okay)
I so sincerely believe this at the bottom of my core: every single person on this planet has a couple of screws loose…and we are all just doing the best we can to keep those screws from falling out completely.
We are all a little fucked up in our own way. And we all have a tremendous amount of life and suffering to deal with.
Let’s be honest: if we knew the real you and what goes on in that noggin of yours, we might be a little worried for your safety. And our own. But that’s awesome: be weird, embrace your flaws, and most of all, never give a shit what anyone else thinks about you.
57. The Best and Worst Anyone Can Ever Do to You Is Think a Thought About You and It’s up to You Whether or Not That Thought Matters to You. Because That Is How You Feel
I once heard a guy on the internet say this, and it has stuck with me. It is quite mindblowing, really.
Aside from any physical abuse, all anyone can ever do to you is think a thought about you or say words to you—good or bad. The rest is up to you.
The only thing you ever have to do is decide if that thought or those words will matter to you (or not). You get to decide. And based on what you decide, that will affect how you will feel. In turn, that is how you will feel about yourself, your place in the world, and the world itself.
Deciding what other people’s thoughts and words mean to you (if anything) will influence your own thoughts and beliefs, and therefore, your future—your life.
58. Have Fun and Do What Makes You Happy
I mean, really, why wouldn’t you design a life that you enjoy waking up to, since this life truly is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
If you haven’t found the things that make you happy in life, spend time finding them—it’s worth the time investment.
This doesn’t mean that everything in life is awesome and that you’ll be happy 100% of the time. You won’t. Life sucks some of the time. It also doesn’t mean you should just pleasure-seek your whole life and forget about others. It means that you should fill your days with things that you enjoy doing. You’re really not here for very long. Why would you choose to do things in a day that don’t make you happy?
Again, life sucks sometimes. But have fun the other 90% of the time. Why wouldn’t you?
59. Find Your “Shit Sandwich”
Everything sucks sometimes.
No, you aren’t the only one who has struggled or is struggling in life. We all struggle, some of the time.
The only thing that matters is how you respond to the shit that life will inevitably throw at you.
60. Life Is Simple: Make Decisions and Don’t Look Back
I wrote this Life Lesson in a journal entry when I was 23 and living out of a car while road-tripping around Australia and in the middle of the Outback staring up at the most starlit sky I have ever seen. I think I was onto something.
61. Reality Is Negotiable
Always question who made the rules and norms by which you are living. Chances are someone no smarter or more capable than you made them. Fuck em’ Go make your own rules to live by.
Reality is malleable—go make it what you want.
62. You Are a Unique Snowflake…
…then you got mashed up with all the other snowflakes and just became that brown goop on the side of the road that nobody likes.
You are that unique little snowflake that your loving parents always told you you were. But, you only stay that way if you don’t change all of who you are to blend in with the masses.
Don’t let that society shape you. Shape society to fit your needs.
Stay unique. Be weird. Be you.
Be vulnerable.
I’m serious. Don’t follow the crowd and end up as the brown goop that people just trudge over. We don’t need any more of that. You really are a unique snowflake. As lame as it sounds, you are. There is literally no one that is alive or that has ever lived, or ever will live that is you. That’s fucking wild!
63. Stop. Fucking. Overthinking
You are not pursuing your dream life because you are stuck in your head thinking. Simple as that.
I want to go so far as to say “Stop thinking altogether”, but thinking does have its place at times: purposeful reflection and planning, and big, irreversible decisions. That’s pretty much it.
But the truth is, most people aren’t faced with those situations often. Hardly ever in fact. The reality is most people are overthinking the shit out of everything. 95% of the time, there’s nothing to think about.
Just start.
64. No One Is Thinking About You
Even the people closest to you aren’t really thinking about you. They have their own lives to live.
Think about how much you think about you, yourself, and your life. Yeah, other people are thinking the same about their own lives.
Stop caring. You’ll wish you stopped caring sooner. That, I guarantee.
65. It’s All in Your Head
Good thing you’ve got that head of yours. Inside is the most powerful tool on the planet: the human mind.
Learn to control it, and you can have anything you want in this life.
The whole world, your whole life is played out through those eyes, that perception, those thoughts and beliefs and scripts and interpretations and predictions and errors and processes and neurons and stories and narratives and…well, you know: whatever makes you, you.
66. Chill Out (No, Seriously. Chill the Fuck Out)
We live on a hunk of rock and metal that circles a humdrum star that is one of 400 billion other stars that make up the Milky Way Galaxy which is one of billions of other galaxies which make up a universe which may be one of a very large number, perhaps an infinite number, of other universes. That is a perspective on human life and our culture that is well worth pondering.
Carl Sagan
We live on a giant rock that is rippling through the Universe. Relax.
Everything is going to be just fine.
I promise.
67. Don’t Think. Do. Always Do
The five words that changed my life.
No, this isn’t some Nike Just Do It motivational expression.
This is the real deal: you say you are going to do something and you always do it. No matter what.
The moment you say you’re going to do something and you don’t, you lose trust in yourself. And it’s all downhill from there.
So what are you going to do with them?
(Oh Yeah, one last thing before we go: Smile and laugh more. The world in front of you will start to change.)
- https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/walking-helps-us-think ↩︎
- https://markmanson.net/the-uncomfortable-truth ↩︎
- https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/ ↩︎
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*If you use the affiliate links in here a magic genie will suddenly appear in front of me granting me unlimited wishes, at which point I will then immediately wish for something like 100 billion dollars, a submarine, a funny hat, or something cool like that. So just assume that if you use the links to buy anything I make tons of money and become filthy rich. Besides this last statement, I practice radical honesty, and anything I ever recommend is something I stand by.
This was fabulous…and looks like you are on your way if writing that book! Loved every one of these!
YAYYYYYY. I’m so glad you enjoyed this one. It was interesting to see what I had actually learned. LOL. And geez…a book might be a real possibility. I was just experimenting, but I’ve really fallen in love with writing. Who knew.