How to Stop Overthinking: 5 Lessons From an Overthinker
I think.
A lot.
A lot, a lot, a lot.
Well, I did, at least.
Until I realized it was destroying my life.
I thought I was solving all my problems in my head.
I wasn’t.
In fact, I realized I was creating more problems.
Then I started thinking about overthinking.
And then I changed my life.
How to stop overthinking is a real thing.
Here are 5 lessons I learned that might help you think about overthinking.
1. Overthinking Is an Addiction
Close your eyes.
Yes, I’m talking to you.
Close your eyes, and I want you to imagine your favorite food in the entire world right in front of you. See it. Smell it. Taste it.
Good.
You probably didn’t close your eyes and do what I just asked you to do, because you’re naughty, but you get where this is going.
When you close your eyes and think about your favorite food, or you lying on a beach on a paradise island sipping a Margarita with the soft sun touching your skin and the sound of gentle ocean waves lapping nearby, something happens.
Meet your happy chemicals.
In her book Meet Your Happy Chemicals, Loretta Breuning talks about how our neurochemicals run a lot of the show. Not only that but also much of our neurochemical processes have been developed and ingrained since childhood.
Each brain has a network of connections built from experiences that felt good in the past…These circuits are what you “know” about how to survive in the world…Your feelings are unique. You have unique ways to turn on your happy chemicals because you built neural pathways from your unique life experience. When something made you feel good as a child, the happy chemicals built connections. When something felt bad, your unhappy chemicals seared that information, too. Over time, some of your neural pathways developed into superhighways because you activated them a lot. You built circuits effortlessly when you were young.
Loretta Breuning. Meet Your Happy Chemicals
Overthinking became a survival mechanism.
An addiction.
These “happy chemicals”, in particular dopamine, has contributed to the overthinker feeling as though they are completing the action and receiving the reward. And that, of course, feels good. In fact, I’d say overthinkers are expert dopamine manipulators.
Overthinking circuits have become so ingrained in the overthinking brain, that it feels nearly impossible to break free from.
Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rainforest. Every step requires a huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don’t use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That’s why people tend to stick with the pathways they have.
Loretta Breuning
2. We Like Dopamine
Well, who doesn’t like a hit of dopamine, am I right?
For the overthinker, they have found the easiest and safest path to getting dopamine while solving problems in their lives: thinking.
Thinking about accomplishing a task, solving a big problem, or getting that reward is what propels this vicious cycle of overthinking.
But it’s not always just thinking. There is some action involved. Just not the kind that makes any real progress. Overthinkers tend to share their big ideas with people around them. They share their new idea, new passion or project, or next big thing. And this, too, feels good.
Dopamine is released in anticipation of a reward. It is what gets the body moving. It’s what gets you up off the couch when you feel hungry and think about how tasty that piece of cake is going to be.
But somewhere along the line, overthinkers forgot to get up off the couch.
3. Overthinkers Are Still Deciding. Please Hold, We Will Be With You Shortly.
Indecision is a real problem.
And the fear of thinking that we will make the wrong choice and that that choice might last forever! is not a choice we’d like to make, thank you very much.
I’ll pass on that…and just never decide anything, ever again, for the rest of my life.
Ahhhh, that feels better already.
A little dramatic, I know. But you get my point. Indecision will cripple you.
It sure did for me.
Partly, it’s an overthinker’s insatiable curiosity: always wondering what else is out there beyond the horizon. What other choices are there? Is there something better? What if I waste my time? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I fail?
The other part is simply The Paradox of Choice.
In his book, The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz looks at the simple issue that runs rampant in our world today: too many choices lead to indecision and anxiety.
The book looked at your normal, everyday shopper. Even they had trouble deciding. Throw the overthinking brain in there, and, well, no decisions get made. Ever.
The Paradox of Choice leads to Paralysis by Analysis. It’s as simple as that.
4. The Shame Is Real
“You’re so lazy.”
“You have so much potential and you’re wasting it.”
“You could do anything you can if you just stick to it.”
“Just do one thing forever, for the rest of your life!”
Okay, that last one I haven’t heard, but I feel like the world is screaming it sometimes. I mean, we do constantly ask 16-year-old children to choose a career path and what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Do we not? (We don’t ask high school children, “What are your curiosities and what things would you like to explore?” We ask, “What do you want to be? What are you going to college for?” of a 16-year-old kid. And we are all too ready to offer up our own advice: “You should become a fill-in-the-blank,” or “You would be good at fill-in-the-blank…again,” and all of that has some serious implications. But that’s a tangent for another post.)
Our society is built on picking one thing and sticking with it forever. “Finding your one true calling.” “Your one passion.”
For an overthinker, that won’t work.
Thus begins, The Shame Cycle: You start something new → learn enough to “get good” and be satisfied → feel guilty that it’s not “your calling” → feel shame → avoid going all-in on new projects → self-fulfilling prophecy of failure → unproductive → overthinking → more shame. Repeat.
Not. Fun.
5. The Overthinking Cycle
In my office, I have a few too many pages of all sorts of “How to stop overthinking?” and “Vicious Cycles” outlined with arrows, and stick figures and side-arrows, and solutions, and problems, and side-cycles, and, well, you get the point.
Me overthinking overthinking.
But I came to this conclusion: Simplify.
Here it is simplified:
If you want to guarantee failure, do this: Overthinking → Indecision → Inaction. Repeat.
That’s it.
Kind of.
I’ve thought a lot about where the cycle begins because if I knew that, I could interrupt the cycle and stop it.
But the truth is, it can start with overthinking, indecision or inaction.
You just have to realize where you are in the cycle.
Seems so simple, but boy-oh-boy is it one hell of a cycle to get stuck in.
One that only an overthinker can possibly grasp.
How to Stop Overthinking
I’d like to leave you with a simple solution. Because what kind of guy just lists a bunch of overthinking problems and doesn’t provide a solution? Not me.
Although the “solution waters” run deep — I’ve got things from habit hacking to brain science, to visualization techniques, to action hacking, to routines, to trackers, to journals, to…
The list goes on.
I went deep into the well of overthinking to find some answers. I have a lot of them. But for now, let’s just keep things simple:
Fuck what everyone else tells you that you should do, or thinks you’d be good at. In fact, fuck what you think you should do—instead, figure out who you are and find out what you truly want to do, not should do.
Follow your curiosities, take little actions for fun, and simplify, simplify, simplify.
Did I mention simplifying things?
That should just about do it.
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