Time to Stop the Sharks: A Love Letter to Coaches
What is a coach? A life coach? What is life coaching? Do I need it? Maybe. Maybe not.
7 minute read ā¢ Self-Improvement | Business
I was one of them ā a shark ā one of the ācoachesā that are out there trying to āhuntā clients.
Spamming inboxes. Cookie-cutter messages. Imitation programs. Feigning interest. Being nice for the sake of the sale.
It was gross.
I hated it.
Needless to say, I didnāt stay in that ocean for long. Couldnāt. Didnāt like the temperature of the water.
Itās a nasty, manipulative business from the angle that I saw things.
Before I get ahead of myself and have you getting your daggers out looking for these ācoachesā, let me say this: I truly believe there are a lot of incredible and knowledgeable coaches and life coaches out there that are making an honest effort to help people and make a bigger impact on the world. I really do.
Butā¦
They are getting harder and harder and harder to find.
My āecho-chamberā of social media became inundated with coaches and life coaches, and the closer I looked, really looked, all I saw was coaches coaching coaches coaching coaches.
![If you look at life coaching you can see who is a real life coach.](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:318/1*yRt-6ovLtLbJcJkdZEfxyQ.png)
It gave me an icky feeling.
It felt pyramid-scheme-y wrong. Almost ācult-yā.
I initially tried to turn off the feeling inside: āOh, thatās just because of my newsfeed,ā or āNot all coaches are like this, right?ā
Truth is, not all of them are.
But some are.
And that sucks.
People enter the self-improvement space all the time. Most with the simple intention of improving various aspects of their lives.
And thatās a good thing.
And some people enter while looking for something, sometimes a passion or career. And in some weird, predictable way, in their uncertainty, they are drawn to the path of ābecome a coachā, like moths to the flame.
Itās one cookie-cutter program after another. One coach takes another coachās program and then starts their own, coaching others on how to become coaches.
As more and more new people are entering the game, exponentially, and at a lower level, they become easy targets, attracted to the ā10k Months in 3 Months!ā, ā1ā2ā3 Signature Formula for Massive Growth!ā, and the āHFHAJIERSFDS Secret Formula to Hit SIX Figures!ā
Ugh!
Enough already.
There is no secret formula.
But, unfortunately, that doesnāt sell too well, now does it?
There is absolutely no secret formula to self-improvement or business. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. In fact, Iāll give you the super-secret-ultimate-best-most-awesome-signature secret to all of your dreams right now: Do four or five simple, correct things really well, for a very long time, every single day.
Thatās it.
Iām serious.
![Yoda was the best life coach to help with life coaching](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:266/1*xdD2aFT5syJhxP7iEEoQlg.png)
But heyā¦
āWe help you attract more clients in your business.ā Oh, okay. Hereās all my money. Thanks.
āWe help get your business to 6 or 7 figures.ā Oh, great. Hereās some more money. Because the last one didnāt work.
āOur signature method to lose weight in 30 days!ā Yayyyyy. I canāt wait.
ā100k in 6 months in your business!ā Whoa! Where do I sign up?
Itās always aimed at those struggling coaches, or life coaches, or people who are struggling in their lives and donāt know any better. Sadly, those people that are attracted to the shortcut ā the easy answer.
This isnāt to say that people donāt ever need coaching. Some do. In fact, a lot of people probably do.
But should it cost you $10,000 dollars to uncover some secret thatās not really a secret at all?
Probably not.
There are seminars that exit over a few days where vulnerable people sacrifice their life savings in the hopes that it will change their life or business.
It might.
But it probably wonāt.
At least not much more than watching a few videos and reading a few books. And oh yea, doing the actual work. The action. The movement. The problem solving. The networking. You know, the actual thing.
Whatever that is that you already know you need to do.
The problem is, many people have recently moved to the digital space to look for possible opportunities, many, to start a business or to improve their life. And the coaching model takes advantage of that. It is like a tornado that sucks you in ā and now more and more coaches are circulating inside the vortex ā coaches coaching coaches coaching coaches.
Is it all coaches coaching coaches?
No.
But sometimes it feels that way.
Can coaching help?
Yea, I really think it can. But with the right coach and for the right reasons.
Coaching provides a āmirrorā for the client. A sort of questioning-sounding board. A reflection. A blindspot detector.
That has its place in the world.
Although, sometimes I think a really good friend that you sincerely trust to listen to you and that will let you talk through your problems and thought process, will do the trick. And for a lot cheaper. Maybe even a cup of joe.
![Find a friend or a life coach to help you. We all need life coaching](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:263/1*gOaYHYZPp0z8_GmCoyz_Xg.png)
But that isnāt available for everyone.
What is available, though, is pure action.
Action will give you feedback. Putting yourself out there will give you feedback. Testing ideas will give you feedback. Experimenting will give you feedback. Talking to people and asking for feedback will give you feedback. Journaling will give you (incredible) feedback. Video taping yourself will give you feedback (very uncomfortable feedback at that ā ever watch yourself on video? First few (hundred) times are rough!).
You need to go shake things up. Shake up your life. Learn something new. Take some action. Get feedback. Repeat. Again and again and again.
This article about life coaches, the coaching industry, and self-help industry came when I was really frustrated with it, but I wasĀ terrifiedĀ to share it publicly because I saw myself as a kind of ācoachā in a minor way. More of a teacher. A knowledge cultivator. An idea and information guy. An experimenter. A super-curious fellow that caredĀ a lotĀ about self-improvement and human potential. A guy that just wanted to help people.
I thought that what I wanted to say about the bitter taste I had from coaching, life coaches, and self-help would get in the way of people seeing me as someone that truly wanted to help people so they wouldnāt have to experience the darkness and absolutely terrifying slog that I went through. I donāt know what people will think. But thatās okay. I need to write this and share it:Ā I donāt love the idea of the manipulative marketing around the coaching industry, the ācookie-cutternessā, the āreligious-cult-yā vibe that it has in some places, and coaches who are just coaching coaches to make money or take advantage of those that need help.
Hereās how this frustration started: I was frequenting some self-help communities to check them out, where people were genuinely struggling with a problem, and they would post about it. And every one of the reply comments went something like this: āHey Iām actually a coach that helps people with this. You need to do XYZ, visualize success and say affirmations. Actually I just sent you a DM.ā Every. Single. One. Sharks in a blood-red ocean. It was a feeding frenzy.
All these I-just-sent-you-a-DM people where just saying, āIām going to pitch you in your DMs, because I canāt do it here.ā
Maybe Iām just being cynical.
Maybe.
But probably not.
![Me being cynical about life coaches and life coaching and coaching in general](https://scottrnicoll.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Screen-Shot-2023-05-05-at-11.25.56-AM.png)
I know how the process works.
Each time I saw the barrage of replies of these people offering a vague solution and then privately DM-ing them, I found myself thinking, instead of DM-ing them, Why donāt you just reply with real, meaningful advice to help the person?
I found myself replying again and again to the person-seeking-helpās comment with, āListen, you donāt need any coach to help you with thisā¦ā And then I would give the person useful, meaningful, and actionable tips they could use, with zero expectation for anything in return.
No DM needed.
But thatās the thing: expectations.
What if we just gave without expectation?
What would happen then?
What if we just gave value to people for no other reason than to simply provide value? And not seeing every person as a āpotential clientā that you āneed to DM.ā But, instead, just a person who needs some help. And then helping them.
This might all sound a bit drab, and perhaps it is.
Hereās the thing: I believe in coaching. With the right coach truly listening to you, guiding you, removing your blindspots and helping you push past fears that you were too scared to overcome, or to even notice, yourself, well, that can make all the difference. In fact, it can change someoneās life forever. And isnāt that what we are here for? To change lives and make a real impact ā leave this world a little better than when we found it?
Or maybe itās just me.
Iāve learned a lot this past year of self-improvement. Iāve read a lot. Iāve researched a lot. Iāve put myself out there a lot. Iāve failed a lot. I got back up again a lot.
Iāve changed a lot.
And you can, too. But not with some ā10k in 3 months!ā program, or a āWe help you scale your business to 7 figures with our signature methodā program, or even a $10,000 retreat.
You donāt need any of that.
You need skills.
You need pure action.
You need to do a few small, simple things really well, every single day.
And thatās the secret.
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